Bungle

The chap. The legend. The winkie warrior.

• Full name: Bungle Bungle
• Other names: BB. Bungle Bear. Bungle Bee. His Lordship. Sweet Boy. Free Willy.
• Balls: Only just.

Bungle came to us as an 8 month old rescue after an unspecified “shaky start”. All we can say is that he had damaged ears that suggested that he’d been in fights, and was extremely nervous around humans. A mostly black Abysinnian (with flecks of distinguished grey), he’s a big boy, with excellent mutton chops.

He was supposed to be the “educator pig” in our little initial herd, along with George and Zippy. But it turns out that Bungle is a lover, not a leader, and despite trying to be the boss he ended up badly bullied by the newly-pubescent boys.

We separated him, and for several years after that he happily lived a bachelor. He learned that he likes cuddles, and that humans are an excellent source of cuddles. From his nervous start he has transformed into a guinea pig who will happily fall deeply asleep on us for an hour at a time.

The bachelor life ended when he was homed with Bertie, who seems an excellent match for him in temperament. Bertie is neutered, so hopefully there won’t be any fighting between them as that boy gets older.

The Penis Wars

Bungle fought in the Penis Wars, and came out stronger for it.

You see, he has a tendency towards bladder stones. This is a not uncommon issue in guinea pigs. It has some genetic predisposition, but being male and unneutered is the bigger factor. Bungle’s iconoclastic habit of drinking wayer once a day only contributes to it.

His first bladder stone was his most alarming. One night he started screaming. Not guinea pig “omg vegetables” but screaming. In utter distress we of course rushed him to a 24/7 vets.

It turned out that he had a bladder stone stuck in his dick. Like, literally a bulge halfway down. If it was a human penis imagine one with a golf ball jammed 10cm up the urethra.

The poor boy ended up needing emergency surgey to cut open his dick halfway down and to pull it out sideways.

Amazingly he recovered incredibly well. He did have comedy swollen balls for a week and he lost the little pouch that keeps guinea dicks hidden in their body. This means that he is now at all times free willy, and you can often see his little pink monster flopping out as he sleeps.

The second bladder stone we caught in time, and he had surgery to extract it directly from the bladder. This is quite a risky operation for such a small species. But given what he had experienced last time it was deemed the less risky option.

We now monitor him constantly for any signs of blood in his pee, and heavily restrict his diet. To the extend that we have to measure the hardness of the water that he drinks.

But he’s worth it. ❤️

Nanny Culture

Bungle has a psychosexual relationship with women, his little peanut brain transforming them into Nannies.

No one knows why. It just happens.

Nannies. Big women. Full of cuddles. Chasing him down the corridor. Nanny tucking him in. Nanny telling him off. Bungle looking at the camera and growling “nannies!”

Disturbing, but it is what it is.